I have realized that we have reached that point. A point of adulthood I heard about growing up, but never really thought I would succumb to. It is that point when you just start coasting, the time where excuses become the response to every challenge. I guess I thought I was above it, or that my generation knew better. But the truth is we are no different. We have fallen into the same trap of becoming spiritually comfortable. Growing up I would hear my parents discuss their frustrations with the multitude of adults who would go to church, do their bible study, pray, and truly love the Lord. Yet they would have a million excuses why they could not sacrifice any time to serve, and would cringe any time someone challenged them to step out of their Christian comfort zone. Just like them I have started to set my life on spiritual cruise control and am just coasting in my own little comfortable bubble. I am convinced that once we are coasting, we stop living the life we were called to live. We stop affecting the lives of those around us, and our focus turns inward rather than outward. Coasting may be safe and easy but it causes us to miss out on seeing the hand of God do amazing things. I am not OK with that, I am not OK with just coasting.
I will be the first to admit that this being a parent has completely rocked my relationship with my father and Lord. Every aspect has challenged me and taught me more about who I really am at the core. I cannot even begin to understand how much I have grown over the past 3 years. But being a parent has also cost me a ton. Prayer has become rare and quick. I have yet to figure out how to continually talk to God, let alone listen to him, when there are constantly 3 voices I am fielding. While my conversations with God are not what I like, I am blessed that the spirit continues to work and show himself to me. However, rarely do I find time to rest in Him. I have also noticed that I hardly ever make eye contact with anyone when I am out doing errands and living life. I try my best to be very polite and nice in passing conversation, but I am watching 6 hands and 6 feet, and constantly doing a head count. If I don’t look at people let alone truly see them how am I able to find opportunities to love on them? Isn’t that what I am called to do? There are tons of other examples of how my kids, whom I love tremendously, have stumped my relationship with Christ. I realize that part of this is the phase of having young kids who I am with 24/7. I mean let’s be real; I have not peed alone in over two and a half years. I want to have realistic expectations, but I am not ok with setting my life on cruise control. I refuse to live in excuses. I refuse to only reach out to the easy to love. I refuse to block out the voice of the HS and avoid conversations because it is messy or runs the risk of hurting someone. Let me also point out that I am not ok with missing it with my own family. I am not going to focus so far outward that I fail to see the little lives that are directly underfoot. I have been called to raise them understanding who Christ is and to live a confident, secure, purposeful life. I can’t do that if I don’t truly see who they are and hear what they have to say. I am convinced that God called me to do both; love on the world and love on my own family. If he called me to do both, he will equip me to do both as well. I want to live the life God called me to live. A life that is not easy, a life that is willing to get messy in the lives of others, a life that is teachable and growing. To be honest I don’t really know how this looks. I am starting with prayer and seeking the Spirit. I don’t want to set up a bunch of “to do’s” because I don’t really think that is what Christ had in mind. On the other hand I am not just going to sit around and wait for God to fix all this and make it easy. I am starting with Abiding in Him, and keeping my eyes, ears, and heart open. So far I am starting by saying; I refuse to simply set my life on Spiritual Cruise Control.
