For months I have been posting updates and stories about the boys. This is the first blog about me. For weeks I have been relearning something about myself. Or I should say God has been reteaching me something about myself. Our high school ministry and staff having been talking about abiding in Christ, worship, and a genuine relationship with Christ. Last night I was led to answer the following questions.
Am I am Mary or a Martha? Would I sit at the feet of Jesus or keep busy for Him. Do I a Christian who abides or am I a doing christian? If Christ came and knocked on my door tonight this is how would I respond?
"Jesus come in sit down make yourself at home and I will be right back. I have some amazing girls who I love. I want them to know you the way I know you. I want them to understand just how amazing a relationship with you can be. So Christ please wait and I promise I will be back. It will be worth the wait. "
While this may seem like a great selfless act it makes me a Martha. I love my girls and am so passionate about them abiding in Christ and "getting it". My love and concern for them has taken precedence over my own relationship with Him. Serving is amazing and God has called me to serve but not at the expense of my relationship with Him. I am constantly trying to think of how I can explain things in a way so they click with the girls and help them have a greater understanding of who God is. I am not looking for personal glory, I don't want a best leader trophy. I just want these girls to stop living the expected Christian life and live a genuine Christian life. The irony is that this causes me to live in direct contradiction of the life I am craving for them. Rather than simply living in relationship with God I become the typical American Christian, focused on what I can do. If I really understood who God is than I would stop doing. I would realize that God can and will work in these girls lives, not me. If anything I should spend more time praying for them and less time thinking of the prefect illustration. I would focus first on living the lesson rather than teaching the lesson. If my savior showed up on my door step I should fall to my face in awe and absorb every second, not run out the door. God does not need me to gather the Girls.
Can He not show up on their doorstep, just like mine? Isn't He big enough to reach their hearts without me?
Once again it is time for me to stop doing and start abiding.
Shepherd's Pie Simplified!
9 years ago
1 comment:
Kristina, thank you so much for opening up your heart with everyone. As much as I LOVE seeing pictures and hearing stories about my boys (which does not happen often enough) it is great to hear from you. Please continue both. This tension is hard, especially for me to watch, simply because what you do is so absolutely amazing. God HAS gifted you in so many ways to walk hand-in-hand with these girls, but like he has said to you, he wants you more than what you do for him. God is enough. This is so hard to digest. I also want to encourage you. You have grown tremendously in this area. By the way you have lived, trusted, cried, and waited, it is evident you are more deeply connected with Jesus than you have ever been. You, your heart, your thoughts and your life continue to be such an example for me as the younger brother. I love you so much.
_travis
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