Don't Judge Me,

Why is it as a mom we always assume we are the only ones. Even when we know the phase/situation we are fitting through with our kids is normal we take it personally or let it affect how we view ourselves as moms. When I stop and take a deep breath and reflect I realize that a lot of my stress as a mom is feeling like I should be doing better, or that I should know what to do in certain situations. Maybe you don’t struggle with thoughts like these, but I know I am not the only one who does. There were two ongoing lessons I wrestled with the first year with the boys. The first was giving me grace. I had to learn to take things one moment at a time and allow myself to make mistakes, to not know the answers, and to be ok when I was not able to meet my own expectations. The second lesson was letting go of my fears. As the boys have grown and we have added little Kayla I have done a much better job at letting go of my fear than showing myself grace. Sometimes I don’t like to admit it but; I have a toddler who likes to whine rather than talk, a toddler who tells me “no” and is determined to have his own way all the time, an infant who does not want to sleep through the night and can’t be calmed, a toddler who fights going to sleep, a toddler who could care less about being in time out, a house that is a disaster, a fight every time we get into the car, an infant who has attachment issues, and so much more. Again, I know that all of these things are normal. So why is it I feel like a horrible mom when my infant is screaming on the airplane, my kids is yelling “no” at me in the grocery store, or my son in whining and crying because I won’t let him squish the bag of peaches in his lap? Why do I feel like I have to apologize for their typical childhood behavior? I am not saying their behavior is ok, or that we as parents feel it is acceptable, but it is normal. Not only is it normal but it is a sign that they are growing up and having their own desires and opinions. Why is it I feel like good moms who are attentive, loving, and have good discipline don’t have kids screaming in airplanes or grocery stores? (Yes I know that statement is not at all true, but at times I feel like it is) If I know it is all normal and part of growing up then why do I take their behavior so personally? When will I learn to accept the fact that I am a great mom even when there are tears, fits, and no one is sleeping? I guess the truth is I am no different than my kids. They still touch buttons even when they know not to, and I still cling to my own insecurities even when I know the truth.